Pants 0. Shit 1.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
