What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
