When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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