Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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