she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
