I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
