We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
