I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
