I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I want a musical about memes.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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