So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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