i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
