i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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