We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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