FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
