afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're a waste of cheezeits
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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