we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
