I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
