Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
