Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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