wat bout pragnant strippers??
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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