I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
