Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
