Don't you send me to vm
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
