that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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