Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
