I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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