I hope mine doesn't look like that
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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