Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
