There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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