Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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