if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He shit in the fireplace