I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?