i can't believe i had my finger in that
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.