I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?