....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
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She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.