Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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