laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
