It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
