We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my being single is dangerous.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
