Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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