I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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