So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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