We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
