guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize