Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
