I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
