Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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