I feel great
I just peed on a car
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
