My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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