I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
