If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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