I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
