Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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