"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
