Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
