just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
