yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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