I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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