My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
