He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
