The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
