Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
