How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
