she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
is wine microwaveable?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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