roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
